--FIRST MAN--
HE IS A MOST AMUSING MAN
IF ANYONE MAKES YOU LAUGH HE CAN
HE MAY BE DARING
MAY BE WRONG
HIS LANGUAGE MAY BE FAR TOO STRONG
IF ANYONE MAKES YOU LAUGH HE CAN
HE IS A MOST AMUSING MAN

--FIRST WOMAN (SOCIETY LADY)--
LORD HENRY GIVE US SOME ADVICE
A WORD OR TWO WOULD BE SO NICE

--HENRY--
Dear Madam, I never advise. However, most people are very fond of giving away what they
need most themselves.

--SECOND MAN--
I WONDER IF YOU WOULD DISCUSS
THE WAGGING TONGUES
THAT FRET AND FUSS
ABOUT THE WAY YOU SEEM TO LIVE
AND FOR OUR CANDOR PLEASE FORGIVE US

--HENRY--
Dear fellow, there is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not
being talked about.

--FIRST MAN--
SING OH

--CHORUS--
OH OH OH!

SO RAISE A GLASS TO THIS EXCELLENT EVENING
WE’RE HAVING A MARVELOUS TIME
THE COMPANY’S WONDERFUL
WHY SHOULD WE LEAVE
‘TILL WE FIRST HEAR THE ONE O’CLOCK CHIME?

HE’S AMAZING
WE’RE HAPPY TO BE HERE
AND GAZING
AT PEOPLE SO ERUDITE
IS SUCH A RARE DELIGHT
MAYBE HE’LL TALK TO US
HE JUST MIGHT

THE PARTY TONIGHT
IS QUITE A SUCCESS
HAVE YOU MET LORD HENRY?
I MUST CONFESS
HE IS A MOST AMUSING MAN
IF ANYONE MAKES YOU LAUGH HE CAN

--FIRST MAN--
HE MAY BE DARING
MAY BE WRONG

--FIRST WOMAN--
HIS LANGUAGE MAY BE FAR TOO STRONG

--CHORUS--
IF ANYONE MAKES YOU LAUGH HE CAN
HE IS A MOST AMUSING MAN

--THIRD MAN--
LORD HENRY DO YOU LIKE THE PLAY
THAT IS THE LATEST RAGE TODAY?

--HENRY--
My dear Sir, the only remaining link between literature and drama nowadays is the program
of production credits.

--SECOND WOMAN (INTELLECTUAL WITH BOOK)--
PERHAPS YOU’VE SEEN THE LATEST BOOK
OF MEMOIRS
WILL YOU TAKE A LOOK?
IT WAS A DARING NOBLE DEED
THE AUTHOR DID
TO LET US READ IT

--HENRY--
Memoirs are written by people who have entirely lost their memories, or have never done
anything worth remembering.

--FIRST MAN--
SING OH

--CHORUS--
-OH OH OH!

SO RAISE A GLASS TO THIS EXCELLENT EVENING
WE’RE HAVING A MARVELOUS TIME
THE COMPANY’S WONDERFUL
WHY SHOULD WE LEAVE
‘TIL WE FIRST HEAR THE TWO O’CLOCK CHIME?

--FIRST MAN--
LORD HENRY LET US HEAR YOU SPEAK
YOUR WIT IS RARE AND SO UNIQUE

--CHORUS--
(Enthusiastic ad-libs and applause.)
Yes! Speech! Speech! We beg you! Etc.

--HENRY--
I HOPE YOU ARE NOT CONTEMPLATING
MAKING A CELEBRITY
FROM THE LIKES OF ME
I WOULD CONSIDER IT INSANTIY
PEOPLE IN THE PUBLIC EYE
MOST OFTEN HAVE A SCARCITY
OF COMMON SENSE OR ANY WIT
IN FACT A MEDIOCRITY
IS BOUND TO BE THE ONE
FOR WHOM THE PUBLIC HAS AFFINITY
THAT DESCRIPTION DOESN’T FIT
A GENTLEMAN’S COMPLEXITY

--CHORUS--
THAT DESCRIPTION DOESN’T FIT
A GENTLEMAN’S COMPLEXITY
OH!

--HENRY--
ALLOW ME TO REMAIN A MAN
WHO IS A BIT PREPOSTEROUS
AND A MAN WHO IS AMUSING
IF THAT’S NOT PRESUMPTUOUS
IF YOU LIKE MY COMPANY
I THINK THAT’S SIMPLY MARVELOUS
BUT NEVER THINK OF ME
AS MORE THAN SOMEONE MERELY FRIVOLOUS
ARTIFICIALITY
AND SEEMING TO BE COURTEOUS
IS THE DUTY OF OUR LIVES
IT MAKES IT ALL SO HUMOROUS

--CHORUS--
THAT’S THE DUTY OF OUR LIVES
IT MAKES IT ALL SO HUMOROUS!

--MEN--
OH WHAT A FOUNT OF WISDOM

--WOMEN--
AND HE IS ALSO HANDSOME

--CHORUS--
SO RAISE A GLASS TO THIS EXCELLENT EVENING
WE’RE HAVING A MARVELOUS TIME
THE COMPANY’S WONDERFUL
WHY SHOULD WE LEAVE
‘TILL WE FIRST HEAR THE THREE O’CLOCK CHIME?

--SECOND MAN--
FORGIVE ME BUT I MUST INQUIRE
IS THIS A MAN YOU ALL ADMIRE?
HAVEN’T YOU HEARD OF HIS FRIEND
MR. GRAY?
DORIAN GRAY?
THAT EVIL MAN
WAS THIS MAN’S PROTEGE!

--HENRY--
(As the party halts in shock.)
Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of
others.

--CHORUS--
HE’S AMAZING
WE’RE HAPPY TO BE HERE
AND GAZING AT PEOPLE SO ERUDITE
IS SUCH A RARE DELIGHT
MAYBE HE’LL TALK TO US
HE JUST MIGHT

THE PARTY TONIGHT
IS QUITE A SUCCESS
HAVE YOU MET LORD HENRY?
I MUST CONFESS
HE IS A MOST AMUSING MAN
IF ANYONE MAKES YOU LAUGH HE CAN
HE MAY BE DARING
MAY BE WRONG
HIS LANGUAGE MAY BE FAR TOO STRONG

--FIRST WOMAN--
Give us some hope, Lord Henry. Don’t you ever think of marriage, at least now and then?

--HENRY--
Marriage is hardly a thing one can do now and then. Except in America.

--CHORUS--
IF ANYONE MAKES YOU LAUGH HE CAN
HE IS A MOST

--MEN--
LET’S RAISE A TOAST
TO YOU OUR HOST

--ALL--
AMUSING

--MEN--
BEMUSING – ENTHUSING - AND SOMETIMES CONFUSING
BUT ALWAYS AMUSING MAN

--WOMEN--
CAN’T IMAGINE HOW ANYONE CAN
BE A BETTER DELIGHT

--CHORUS--
HE’S A MOST AMUSING MAN!